The Potter and the Hat
by Piggwidgeon
Summary: Watch as each of the Potter kids get sorted -- I know its been done a million of times, but I thought it'd be fun, regardless.
1. James and the Hat

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I am solemnly up to no good.

AN: Written for Maraudercat's challenge.

The Potter and the Hat

"Potter, James…stop flirting, James, and sit on the stool."

"Ok, ok. It isn't that big of a deal you, know, Professor."

"Don't give me that, Potter, and put the hat on your head."

"Kind of worn out, isn't."

"Just wear the hat, James!"

"Jeez, you'd think I was threatening to burn it, the way you're going on."

"I wouldn't put it past you. I knew your father."

"Ha. That must have been…"

_A Potter, eh?_

"You the hat?"

_Yes, yes I am. _

"You sound like an old man. You should use some moth balls. They might help that molding."

_A brash one, are we?_

"Nah, just honest."

_Of course, of course you are. Harry Potter's son, eh?_

"Don't you dare sort me just because I'm his son. That's not fair. And you know it, too, so don't even pretend…"

_Stop moving around or I'll fall off and then bite you._

"You won't bite me."

_Really?_

"Really."

_Confident, are we? _

"Just honest."

_I was hoping the Potter boy would be more difficult to sort. There's been mutterings about you in the headmaster's office._

"What kind of mutterings?"

_I'm sure you'll find out soon enough._

"_GRYFFINDOR!_"


	2. Albus and the Hat

"Potter, Albus…Albus! Get up here!"

"Sorry, sorry."

"Reading again?"

"Is there anything else?"

"Put the book away and put the hat on."

"Can't I read while the hat's on my head?"

"No, Albus, you can't."

"Why not? Isn't this a school? Shouldn't you be promoting this sort of behavior?"

"You shouldn't be arguing in front of the whole school, Potter."

"Oh, yeah, right. Book away, hat on my head, happy?"

_Another Potter?_

"Another Potter? Yeah. I guess you could say that."

_Not THE Potter, though?_

"Obviously not. There are three of us, after all."

_That's not what your brother thinks. He thinks he's the best._

"Well, he would, now, wouldn't he?"

_To be honest, I'm not sure where to put you. You're certainly confident enough for Gryffindor._

"I wouldn't do well in Gryffindor."

_And why not?_

"I don't care enough."

_What are you talking about? That hardly makes sense at all._

"I've heard the stories from James -- they're a bunch of gossips. It's very political in Gryffindor. Who's on whose side and trying to figure out who to cheat off of. Besides, I'm not loud enough to be the leader type."

_You're not loud enough?_

"Nope. I've heard of that too -- the large mouthed, curse filled arguments of Gryffindor. Some of them are legendary. I wouldn't do well in that environment. I can barely handle one of them."

_You mean your brother?_

"Mhm. Being in there would interfere with my studies."

_It'd do you well._

"No. Besides, everyone would compare me to James…or my father…if I was in Gryffindor. I don't want that."

_What do you want?_

"A chance to make something for myself."

_You think you actually can?_

"I know I can."

_Hmm…confident, yes, but aware…you've thought this through._

"It's in my nature."

_Your nature, huh? Well, then I suppose there's only one place to put someone with a nature such as yours…_

"_RAVENCLAW!"_


	3. Lily and the Hat

"Potter, Lily…Potter, Lily? Lily!"

"Ugh. This is so stupid. It's no secret what house I'm going to be in, can't I just join the table, now?"

"Sit on the stool and put on the hat."

"Do you honestly think I won't be in Gryffindor? Even James thinks I'll be in Gryffindor."

"Sit on the stool and put on the hat."

"And if I don't?"

"I think you can figure that out on your own."

"…Fine."

_The last Potter._

"Ugh. Yeah. The littlest Potter. The last Potter. The most insignificant Potter…"

_Ok, I get the picture. Lily Potter, is that any better?_

"You tell me."

_So you think you'll be in Gryffindor, huh?_

"Well, yeah. I'm louder than Al."

_So you think you're more like James?_

"James is an idiot. I'm not like James. He's arrogant and stupid and absolutely ridiculous. I hate him. I fooled him once by supposing that he hypothetically had joke products hidden under his bed after mum told him to throw them all away. I had no proof, but he thought I did. I didn't have to do chores for weeks. He's such a fool."

_Did you ever fool Al?_

"I've never wanted to. But if I wanted to, all I would have to do is mention those magazines I 'found' under his bed, and he'd be all over whatever I wanted."

_Your parents?_

"You mean other than the fact that all I have to do is tear up a bit and I can get whatever I want? Actually, that hasn't worked on my mum for awhile…but it still works on my dad. And my uncles. Aunt Hermione is a bit more discerning, though."

_I don't think you belong in Gryffindor._

"And why not? I'm brave and courageous and…kind of loyal…"

_Those aren't your defining qualities._

"Then what are?"

_Cunning, resourceful…_

"I know where you're going with this."

_And you sound so dejected…_

"How can I accomplish anything in Slytherin? It's going to be a black stain on my record. Everyone's going to see it and think 'Deatheater'. I'm not a deatheater."

_Not every Slytherin is a deatheater, you know. Severus Snape, the man who saved your father's life, was a Slytherin._

"I know, but he was hated."

_And you think you'll be hated?_

"Well, no, but that doesn't mean…"

_So why are you worried? You'll excel in Slytherin. You'll be challenged by your housemates, encouraged by Wolfe, and pushed to be a leader._

"I don't know."

_You don't have to. I do._

"How am I supposed to trust you?"

_Easy. I'm the sorting hat._

"_SLYTHERIN!"_


End file.
